closeThis post was published 1 year 2 months 2 days ago. The thoughts, opinions, feelings, etc. may not be accurate anymore. I have done and said things in the past that I am not proud of, but I am slowly trying to continue to find my way. Everyone makes mistakes at some point. I am just learning as I go. Thus, no matter how embarrassing/awful, the posts are staying.

I’ve been contemplating having a tag called “why i blog” for the past few weeks. The i is lowercase, because that is the style for my tags. I suppose if I start using names in my tags that such style will have to change. However, for now it’s what works. Perhaps names and such will be the mere exception.

I’ve blogged about this before on 6birds, and the post is now in my archive.

And I never really finished it. I don’t think there’s a must for it to be continued, but since my life has become so adult (or so it seems) with depression and PTSD taking its toll, I’ve really learned about who I am as a person, not necessarily as what I do. I quit blogging for a while, and I’ve even changed URLs a few times. In the end, I’m back where I started — on 6birds.

I blog for me.

It’s simple. I don’t blog for my readers so they can learn more about me. I’m a personal/lifestyle blog (because you technically are what you blog sometimes) for a reason. My memory is more than poor; my memory is fading each and every day, and mental illness especially runs on my mom’s side of the family. And I used to be ashamed of this, and terrified, that I could possibly be deemed crazy, but I’ve learned that while others may see me as mental, I’m not that way. I’m not responsible for their ignorance whether they have something mentally wrong/different about them. That’s not my problem. If recognized as a crazy person, then so be it. I’d rather be crazy doing something I love doing than be crazy doing what society expects me to do (like be exactly like someone who would murder a bunch of people).

I just want to keep my memories.

I also want to vent and rant and complain about the shitty things in a place no one else should complain about me doing. This is my blog. You’re not obligated to read my blog, just like I am not obligated to read yours. 6birds is my sanctuary, and I can do with it whatever I wish. It’s the one place I don’t need approval. I am what makes up 6birds. I am 6birds. I am the blog. And I’m just sharing my story. It helps me. It’s annoying when people say things like…

“I admire your creativity, but you need a better outlet.”

I’d take blogging over playing Facebook applications and/or posting photos of my food on Instagram/Facebook all day and/or posting pointless, dumb statuses on Facebook all day any day.

“Your ability to create this is great, but you need someone to talk to instead of blogging about things. It’s not normal.”

Says a non-blogger who is closed-minded and doesn’t know the difference between blogging and keeping a diary.

“You’re not supposed to talk about that online! Don’t you know any better? You’re supposed to keep it to yourself, because it creates havoc.”

Maybe I want to create havoc.

“There are more important things you should worry about!”

Oh, right. Like my health. I do worry about that, actually. It’s on my mind every. single. day.

I blog to teach.

Be it myself or others, I often hope that I’m doing at least some kind of good by blogging about my struggles. Perhaps if I blog about my firsthand experience with things, then someone will find it one day and be able to help people. Or if someone is going through something similar and can escape, that’s nice, too. Sometimes I end up doing the exact opposite and instead telling people what not to do. This is never really my intention, but I’ve also grown to a point where I’m horrid with words, and I say things I don’t even mean. I can’t help it, and I don’t like it. Words I want aren’t in my head; concentrating is rather difficult. And it sucks. Sometimes life just sucks, no matter how great it could be if I just took a minute to relax.

No matter what I do, though, I’m spreading awareness about mental health and abuse, and honestly I like to think that I’m doing well. I suppose the theory I have is that the more I talk about it, the louder it will become, and the louder it becomes, the more aware people are likely to become. And that’s important. It needs to be LOUD, and people need to be aware of the signs and the outcome. Who knows? Maybe a parent will read my story one day and realize that their child is terrified of them and want to change things, or perhaps it will help prevent abuse. I can’t predict the outcome of me blogging about anything until it actually happens. I don’t mind being emailed about my posts, either, especially if something I write has touched you or hit home, etc. personally. When people let me know a post spoke to them or that they can relate/thank me for writing something, it encourages me that I’m not doing something bad by writing about it; it helps me believe that I’m doing good by writing about it.

I blog because I can.

Because I just can. It’s a hobby. While you’re watching TV or playing Facebook games or taking pictures of your food, I’m blogging and/or returning comments. It’s not like I do it because I’m addicted. If you think that I shouldn’t be blogging, you seriously have no clue how good of a thing that this is. I stopped blogging for a few months simply because I quickly hated it. Blogging is the first hobby I have actually started to enjoy again since depression and PTSD hit me. You should be ecstatic that I’m blogging again, because I could instead be sleeping and crying myself to sleep all day long like I was doing not too long ago. You should be happy that I am back to blogging instead of trying to destroy myself. My blogging should be a good thing in people’s eyes — my family’s eyes.

I think my two major hobbies were blogging and photographing trees and simply nature in general. I still haven’t gotten photography back. Another one was TCG-ing. I have owning TCGs back, but actually playing them and having maybe 20 or so cards in one trade doesn’t happen. I also used to sketch every now and then. That isn’t around, either. Web design and blogging and owning TCGs — those are the only hobbies I really have back at the moment, and it’s not like I could have forced myself to like them. It takes time, and I was slowly able to get these things back over time. I don’t have writing anymore, and reading is no longer a hobby because I lack the ability to actually concentrate and retain information. I mean, when I comment posts, I have to type the comment out as I read it or else I won’t even be able to remember the last paragraph when I’m trying to actually write the comment. In other words, my comments have probably sucked this past year, and it isn’t because I have gotten lazy. I really don’t try to have sucky comments.

So that’s my extended explanation… Why do you blog?

Also, Christina is having a giveaway. ^^;

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